Here is a paper I had to right. I picked adoption because is who I am and a big part of my life. I hope you enjoy, feel free to leave comments!
The Ultimate Gift of Love
“PUSH!.... PUSH!...Almost there; come on push! On the count of three, give it all you got! One…Two…THREE! Great job! Congratulations; it’s a boy!” Instantly the woman thinks, I can’t correctly raise this child, I’m only 17. What am I going to do? This situation is one that a woman went through19 years ago. This woman happened to be my birth mother. I am adopted, which is defined as taking and rearing (the child of other parents) as one’s own child, specifically by a formal legal act. To some, this definition is all adoption will ever mean, but for me it is much more because it is my life, and I was one month old when it all started. Adoption is what stands between people living a life in broken families, several foster homes, and the streets, or a life with an actual family, receiving the love and attention every child should obtain. I am proud to be adopted.
Adoption is so much more than what the definition states; it is the most heartbreaking, joyful, confusing, painful, loving and life-changing moment in at least five people’s lives, for each adoption. These emotions consume both sets of parents and the child. No one else can ever feel the pain that a mother endures when she is giving up a child; no one can even imagine the thoughts that run through her head. She might be thinking, “Where is the best place for my child to grow up? Who are the best parents for the child? Do I want my baby to have siblings? What do I want to make sure that the parents will provide for my child?” Each time there is a mother who’s going to place her new child up for adoption; she is showing that child the ultimate act of love. I know this because my birth mother placed me in a better home, and made it possible for me to receive everything that she would not have been able to give me on her own. Of course, the mother loves the child, who dare ask if she does not? However, by placing a child for adoption, the mother is giving the child the opportunity to have the best life possible, knowing that if she were to keep the child, it would miss out on many important opportunities. A mother always wants to be in her child’s life, but in these situations, that relationship will have to come later because she cannot provide everything she wants to be able to. It would be a selfish act to keep the child because she wants to “watch them grow up.” My birth mother has given me the best opportunity in life anyone could ask for.
Being a member of the Shipp family is like a melting pot. Everyone is so different, but we all get along and really enjoy being together. My adoptive parents have been everything parents should be and more, giving me opportunities that some could only hope for, like going to Mexico and Guatemala on Service Missions. They have provided a wonderful home filled with love and a total of seven kids, three of whom are adopted, and I’m the oldest of the adopted. People always ask me, “What is like to be adopted?” How on earth am I supposed to know what it’s like to be not adopted? It’s like asking people who were raised entirely by their biological parents, “What is it like to live with your biological parents?” Neither of us has experienced the counterpart; therefore, we have nothing to compare it to. But there have definitely been times where it does feel weird knowing that I have another set of parents and that I have many qualities passed down from them. Even though I have spent absolutely no time with either of my birth parents, I know that I have obtained qualities from both of them.
My siblings, who are biological Shipps, are very intelligent and logical, whereas I am very creative and involved in the arts. I have noticed that we have very different thinking processes as we talk and discuss topics. My siblings all tend to be thinking on the same brainwave and understand each other exactly, whereas I have to work harder to see what they are seeing. I’m not saying this is a big issue, but it is a difference between us. I’ve always known I was adopted; my parents told me when I was very young. It would be impractical to try and hide it when 66% of my family is white and the other 34% are of different ethnicities. The thought of not being biological to the Shipps however always made me curious to as what my parents looked like, but as my adoption was a “closed” adoption, I will have to wait.
There are two different types of adoption: open and closed. Every agency does it differently, and each state has different rules. Open adoptions are where the birth parents are able to have contact with the child, and the child can know everything about the birth parents. Adoption agencies have done studies on open adoptions and their effects on the birth parents and child. Researchers have found that in open adoptions, where contact with the child is allowed, birth parents tend to feel like they can’t move on and are stuck at the time of the adoption. An adopted child often feel confusion and chaos, knowing that this stranger is their mother/father, but was not involved with their nurturing and upbringing. Children sometimes don’t know understand and will have troubles placing their birth mother/father into their lives. Melissa, a close friend of my adoptive mother (who has placed a child for adoption), expressed, “I’m going to the birthday parties, family dinners, family picnics, but I don’t know what my place with my daughter is because I’m not her mother, not her nanny, and I don’t understand my part in her life is.” Open adoptions have a psychological effect on birth parents; it keeps them in the same mind set of the adoption. It’s like ripping a band-aid off a wound causing it to bleed again.
Closed adoptions are the exact opposite; there is no contact between the birth parents and child, and almost no information is given to the child and adopting parents. The information given includes names, sometimes pictures, along with medical history sheet that includes ethnicity, height and weight. The set of parents are allowed to write letters to each other for the first year, but every letter must go through the agency, and an agent will black out anything that should not be said between the two families. The summary of closed adoptions is that they are very private and makes it possible for the birth parents and child to live a normal life. Angie, a personal friend and also a mother who placed a child for adoption said, “I feel like a closed adoption is the best option for both the child and me. I am not ready to inform my current children about having placed a child several years before. I feel with the closed adoption gives time for the child to mature and be able to develop who they are before messing with the past.” Closed adoptions are a good for the adopted children because it gives them time to find out who they are and what their places are in life, so that they can become strong and prepared for possibly meeting their birth parents. But on the counter part, some closed adoption children have absolutely no idea of what their birth parents are like besides what is given on the profile sheet that contains the medical history, the children are always wondering what they are going to look like when they grow older; they don’t always have pictures to get ideas from. Adopted kids are usually in the dark on what they could end up looking like.
Adoptive children in closed adoption are to remain in the dark until they are 18, and some agencies (like mine) won’t allow contact until the child reaches the age of 21.Holding contact until the child is 18 is to help prevent issues. There have been several cases where birth parents have bluntly rejected the children, and destroyed the children emotionally. Sometimes there are intense cases where the birth parents become extremely clingy and want to be in the adopted child’s life constantly, resulting in mental issues for the child. Children are always taking a risk when meeting their birth parents. There are many possible outcomes, some insane and horrific, and others friendly and giving closure to unanswered questions.
I would love to meet my birth parents, and even with knowing about all of the different possible outcomes of how meeting my birth parents could end up, I still feel the need. I don’t require that we build relationships between us, but I want them to tell me information when I ask questions about who they are, what qualities they have, what is in the family history and so on. I can’t wait to see their faces; I’ve dreamt all my life of how they might look because I do not have pictures of them. I envy my other adopted sibling for having pictures of their parents. These pictures are a part of who they are, what they can become and more. I wish I had these guidelines instead of walking around blindfolded and clueless. Eventually I will be enlightened, and I will be able to see clearly. I can’t wait to thank them for what they have given me.
Adoption is a special gift, to some it means the opportunity to obtain children, whom they can love, take care of, and make their own. To some young, immature, naive high school girls, who became pregnant, it means giving her and the child a better life. Adoption has allowed me to enjoy the life I currently live; I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I cannot express the love and gratitude I have for my birth mother for giving me this wonderful gift. I’m so excited for the day that I get to see her face, pick her up in my arms in a big hug and tell her, “Thank You!”
*Names have been changed to protect identities*
